it always makes me think,
what would people do if i died?

who would cry?
who would feel bad?
who would care at all?
who would wish they had said something?
who would wish they had done something?
who would be relieved?
who would smile?

who would be surprised i didn't kill myself?
who wouldn't be?

who would be surprise i did kill myself?
who wouldn't be?


who would tell who?
who would miss me?








who would remember me twenty years later?

this sleepy little town doesn't have much for me anymore, to be honest.
i'm moving. i'm moving away from this town, these people, my house.
i haven't found a home anywhere in my fourteen years, but i will.
i wish i knew when. i'm going to start over completely. no one will know me.
no one will know all my best kept secrets, my lies, my wishes, the things i wonder.
my quirks, my oddness, my thoughts, my actions, my face or my voice.
fucking new york city.

i'll be there, though not soon enough. i've always said i don't know what the hell i want with my life,
but i think i finally know.

this summer, i'm..
dying my hair.
getting my ears pierced again. (fourth time? yeah.)
trying to get something else pierced. (lip(s)?)
fucking getting rid of this complexion problem COMPLETELY.
getting way better clothes. (thinking 'hipster')
losing some major weight.
making my teeth look better. (whiter?)

in the near future(think a year or two), i'm..
being emancipated, most likely.
moving out.
getting a job.
getting more piercings. (or first?)

in the future(this summer to sixish years), i'm..
moving to new york city.
falling in love. (hopefully, and most likely.)



what else?
i don't know;
i was thinking of more,
but my mind fails to retain thoughts and ideas.

so uhm yeah hey i've decided to dye my hair some time this summer.


me;
http://i49.tinypic.com/2qwlk45.jpg
http://i46.tinypic.com/152eqkh.jpg
http://i44.tinypic.com/2d9sqvl.jpg
no fullbodies, of course. this IS still me.


nooow, colours!
1; http://tinyurl.com/3yzeylu
2; http://tinyurl.com/35l8nry
3; http://tinyurl.com/32fnd9n
4; http://tinyurl.com/39xx9gj | i had this is my hair before, actually. in chunks over black, and i liked it.
5; http://tinyurl.com/3ye3qkl
6; http://tinyurl.com/34cqwrg
7; http://i42.tinypic.com/15gec0o.jpg
8; http://tinyurl.com/nxsgry
9; http://tinyurl.com/33ocexx
10; http://i48.tinypic.com/1604hft.jpg
11; http://i46.tinypic.com/169gwer.jpg
12; http://i47.tinypic.com/33a9k5x.jpg
13; http://i46.tinypic.com/2qscdg0.jpg


comment/msn/whatever me and tell me which you like the most on me. c:
up to three.

&what style i want for my hair is to be considered way later. cx


--


ani; 5&9
brookie; 6&7&8
lauren; 6&7&8
sierra; 6
tyler; sure6
christa; 2&7&9
xx; xx

baby we fucked up big time
but let's not look back; i'm afraid
my demons are catching up with us.

leave my heart's pieces on the floor
and dance all over them the next night
while we act like nothing happened.

i write in gibberish that not even i
understand and smile to myself as you
look over my old notebook and praise
my rhyming and extensive wit.

maybe it was just i who fucked up big time;
should've kept my book in my bag and my heart in my chest.

my tears are dried and crusty on my face now
and i've finally cried so much the tears won't fall anymore.

i've lied and skipped and twirled for you on command and
you end it by saying you actually, honestly don't love me?

you say you don't believe love doesn't exist, but i'm pretty damn
sure it does. i love you more than i should, more than i want, more
than i honestly thought i could.

we met a year ago and i thought you were amazing, but i guess
our views on each other changed, didn't they?

i guess i'm finally understanding now what my friends said.
i love the pain, the read in put downs that i always seem to come up with.
the way you said you loved me before you told me the truth.

i guess i'll have to find someone else to waste all my eleven:eleven wishes on now,
because honestly babe, this compulsive liar doesn't know what the fuck honesty is anymore.

or maybe that's yet another lie i won't remember forming in the morning. i guess i won't find out.
i wished we would have turned out better, but then again my eleven:eleven wishes never come true.

i don't know anything, anymore, to be honest.


at all.