so, being a freshman isn't too bad.


WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: dr. pepper. ergh. :c

2. Last phone call: uhhh, my grandma.

3. Last text message: phat.

4. Last song you listened to: lost yourself - eminem

5. Last time you cried: ..for once, i'm really not sure.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: mhmmm

7. Been cheated on: yeah.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: kinda.

9. Lost someone special: too many times.

10. Been depressed: uh, yeah. :c

11. Been drunk and threw up: drank then threw up. but i've never been drunk then threw up.


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. silver

13. black

14. purple

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: yuhh

16. Fallen out of love: ..mmmm, no comment.

17. Laughed until you cried: mhm.

18. Met someone who changed you: no.

19. Found out who your true friends were: kinda.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: AHAHAHAH, at least once a month.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nopee.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: uh, not many.

23. How many kids do you want: none, really.

24. Do you have any pets: yeeees. two dogs and a cat.

25. Do you want to change your name: yes. first and last.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: ..uhm, i'm not sure what i did. i can't remember.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping, i think. or fucking texting phat, trying to get inside his mind. needless to say, it didn't work. it's phat.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: fucking nyc.

30. Last time you saw your Mother: when i was like seven.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: ..there's honestly too much. :c

32. What are you listening to right now: the rocky horror picture show.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah.

34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: ..phat.

35. Most visited webpage: subeta.

36. Whats your real name: felica phillabaum

37. Nicknames: uh, none?

38. Relationship Status: single. :c

39. Zodiac sign: scorpio.

40. Male or female: female.

41. Primary School: steeleville grade school.

42. Secondary School: steeleville high school.

43. High school/college: uh, what? see above.

44. Hair color: currently? reddish.

45. Long or short: medium.

46. Height: ..5'1 and 1/4th of an inch. :c

47. Do you have a crush on someone: no.

48: What do you like about yourself: ..uuuuhhhhhhhh..

49. Piercings: three.

50. Tattoos: none yet.

51. Righty or lefty: innie.

FIRSTS :

53. First piercing: ears.

54. First best friend: ..idr her name.

55. First sport you joined: softball.

56. First vacation: ..uhm, texas.

58. First pair of trainers: what?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: au gratin or something.

60. Drinking: dr. pepper. :c

61. I'm about to: look back down at my screen from the tv. oops, done.

62. Listening to: rocky horror picture show, damnit.

63. Waiting for: a text. :c

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids: no.

65. Get married: possibly.

66. Career: ..geek squad.

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: idfc.

68. Hugs or kisses: both

69. Shorter or taller: ..uhm, taller.

70. Older or Younger: older, for sure.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: bothhh.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both, neither, one or the other. idgaf.

73. Sensitive or loud: both.

74. Hook-up or relationship: anyone who knows me knows this.

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: no.

77. Drank hard liquor: yes.

78. Lost glasses/contacts: yes.

79. Sex on first date: no.

80. Broken someone's heart: i doubt it.

82. Been arrested: no.

83. Turned someone down: yuh.

84. Cried when someone died: mhm.

85. Fallen For A Friend: yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: to be disgusting? to fail? to be horrible? to be a bad person? to only believe in myself about negative things? of fucking course.

87. Miracles: no.

88. Love at first sight: lust, but not love.

89. Heaven: no.

90. Santa Claus: no.

91. Kiss on the first date: yes, but it depends for me.

92. Angels: no.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: noooo.

95. Did you sing today: UHM I'M WATCHING THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. no fuck i've sang today.

96. Ever cheated on somebody: no.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: i only wanna go forward.

98. The moment you would choose to relive: ..nothing.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: somewhat.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: no? what else am i gonna call this?

i don't know who any of us are anymore.
phat's out, cujo's in.
sara's leaving, elle's coming.
fleur's gone, val's here, but barely.

i've still got this lockboxskullofmine that doesn't want to see the light.
it argues and screams and pleads and gives up. the latter's for the better, while it lasts.
'i'll be okay, i'm getting better, things'll change. i promise.'
everyone thinks i'm trustworthy, but i can't even keep a promise to myself.







i'm starting to crash and burn like an ellen hopkins creation, and i don't know how to stop.

i'm counting down the days to school: five.
maybe i'm lying to myself; i'm not fine, and i'm not ready.
i'm going into high school with friends, but i honestly feel almost completely alone.
i'm afraid of what's in store for me. cigarettes, for sure. even more depression, drama, hurt.
drugs? self inhury? hate? love?

i'm not sure what we're doing anymore.
i alienated myself (hey, that'd explain a lot. i'm an alien.) from you for a reason,
then took you back. i know i still love you, maybe even a lot, still. you're back.
you're hurting me again, and i don't 'like' it as much this time. this time,
i'm getting tired of it. i don't know how much more i can put up with.

you see, you're trying to feed me an image of who i am. who you would get along with.
according to you, i'm lame. i have no self control, and i want you to fuck me. and i love you, more or less
and i don't mind that you hurt me so much. i shouldn't notice the shit you do hurts, because it's you.
it's just what you do. it's who you are. and while you're a lame person too, you're better than me.
i'm just a quarterwhore, and i'm supposed to be fine with never getting a glance out of your pocket (boxers would work better).
i've gotta be there for you, but i'm completely fine when you ignore me while i'm crying without tears.
(because seriously, we both know i've cried so much the tears won't come anymore.)

why am i always the stable one?
i'm always the good one, more or less.

i'm the clean one.
i just smoke.

and i have nooo self control.
i LOVE phat's dick, and when he teases me, i'm definitely wet, and all that shit.
yeah, i have no self control at all.
which is why he's seen me lately. yeahhh. i know, right?
and i can tell him everything, don't worry about it, but he can't tell me shit.

but that's how it's always worked, hasn't it?