my story from before now is here; http://glitternarcotic.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d283959
now, the aftermath. the beginning, actually. the beforenow is more like.. a preface or something.
(you have the read what i linked to to get this)
i'm over robin. i've changed so fucking much.
i'm only fourteen now (fifteen in november),
but i feel like all the shit that's happened to me;
almost being raped by robin, trusting skylar and tyler (and still loving the latter somehow)
almost ODing a couple weeks ago, making serious plans that will become a reality.
cutting, taking (way) too much medication, trying drugs, harming myself.
it's all made me a strong person.
before&after robin, i listened to music a lot to calm me down and convince me not to do stupid shit.
(it's the same now, actually. mcr. hinder, kill hannah and mayday parade - though all but the first are only sometimes.)
those bands have helped me through the times when i couldn't be strong enough. for myself, or friends.
the.. three? main bands that've helped me through my life so far, are..
evanescence, my chemical romance, and koRn.
listening to mcr gave(and gives) me the most hope, out of everything i listen to.
i think now, the song that just.. gets me the most is the ghost of you.
i'm moving to carbondale (a college city here) with a friend.
we both have horrible lives at home, and we're getting out together.
to be honest, i'm surprised i'm alive now.
i'm surprised i made it out of jr. high.
and i made it with this friend. (let's call her 'bea')
graduation, after promotion, we met in the parking lot, and just.. bawled our eyes out.
we made it. i have her to thank, and my music.
my music the most.
even now, i'm going through some hard shit.
i was supposed to fail both seventh and eighth grade.
i'm going into high school. in like three weeks.
and i'm not prepared at all. the only subject i know is lit/english/spelling. that shit (because it's natural to me).
(not related; but i can't afford registration or supplies or even new clothes. and none of my stuff other than sweats fit me now)
so.. i guess mcr and my other music is going to have to help me this year.
i've got another two years until i can leave this sleepy little village, with bea, at 16 after i get emancipated.
after about five years, working for two straight years where i can, then getting my GED at 18, i'm going to go to a vocational school (and school half time).
for.. something related to computers. that's the only thing i can see myself doing. at alll.
but. after schooling, i'm moving up to somewhere in nyc. after that.. i'm not coming back home. ever.
bea's going to make me visit my father while she visits her (big) family.
when i go to nyc alone, no one can make me do it. and i'm not.
my dad's put me through so fucking much.
so far, he's almost made me have a nerve stroke. and cry.. like, a lot. butthisisn'taboutthat.
i think, because of that, the song that gets me the most by mcr is the ghost of you.
my dad's a compulsive liar, like me. i think i got it from him, among other reasons.
he keeps so much from me. i didn't know who my real mother was until i was like nine. (i think that helped the shit when i was 10-11. she didn't want me. at all.)
(&until then, she died in a car crash. and talked a lot. that's it. and it was the complete opposite from my real mother)
he's only hit me.. three? times ever. but i've got so many scars from him. because of him. mentally. a couple physically.
he's always going to haunt me. it's always going to bother me. his entire life, he chose alcohol over everything. his life, his wife, his mother, his brother, his pets, his house, his mind. his record. his reputation. his schooling. his work/career. his only daughter. his daughter's home life. my safety. i don't feel safe around him. i don't feel safe in my home.
people put me down because of my father. i get shit like 'OH WOW, FELICA. your fucking dad is a disgusting alcholic and can't change and is a shitty person and stupid' and 'LOLOL FELICA I SAW YOUR DAD STUMBLING UPTOWN, HOW SHITTY MUST THAT BE?'
and like i've said.. after i leave, i'm never coming home.
when in nyc, i may have friends. but i'll definitely have my corgi (whose name will be hermes, female or male) and my music; especially mcr.
(also just sayin', i've have the ghost of you playing for most of the time i was writing this.)
now, the aftermath. the beginning, actually. the beforenow is more like.. a preface or something.
(you have the read what i linked to to get this)
i'm over robin. i've changed so fucking much.
i'm only fourteen now (fifteen in november),
but i feel like all the shit that's happened to me;
almost being raped by robin, trusting skylar and tyler (and still loving the latter somehow)
almost ODing a couple weeks ago, making serious plans that will become a reality.
cutting, taking (way) too much medication, trying drugs, harming myself.
it's all made me a strong person.
before&after robin, i listened to music a lot to calm me down and convince me not to do stupid shit.
(it's the same now, actually. mcr. hinder, kill hannah and mayday parade - though all but the first are only sometimes.)
those bands have helped me through the times when i couldn't be strong enough. for myself, or friends.
the.. three? main bands that've helped me through my life so far, are..
evanescence, my chemical romance, and koRn.
listening to mcr gave(and gives) me the most hope, out of everything i listen to.
i think now, the song that just.. gets me the most is the ghost of you.
i'm moving to carbondale (a college city here) with a friend.
we both have horrible lives at home, and we're getting out together.
to be honest, i'm surprised i'm alive now.
i'm surprised i made it out of jr. high.
and i made it with this friend. (let's call her 'bea')
graduation, after promotion, we met in the parking lot, and just.. bawled our eyes out.
we made it. i have her to thank, and my music.
my music the most.
even now, i'm going through some hard shit.
i was supposed to fail both seventh and eighth grade.
i'm going into high school. in like three weeks.
and i'm not prepared at all. the only subject i know is lit/english/spelling. that shit (because it's natural to me).
(not related; but i can't afford registration or supplies or even new clothes. and none of my stuff other than sweats fit me now)
so.. i guess mcr and my other music is going to have to help me this year.
i've got another two years until i can leave this sleepy little village, with bea, at 16 after i get emancipated.
after about five years, working for two straight years where i can, then getting my GED at 18, i'm going to go to a vocational school (and school half time).
for.. something related to computers. that's the only thing i can see myself doing. at alll.
but. after schooling, i'm moving up to somewhere in nyc. after that.. i'm not coming back home. ever.
bea's going to make me visit my father while she visits her (big) family.
when i go to nyc alone, no one can make me do it. and i'm not.
my dad's put me through so fucking much.
so far, he's almost made me have a nerve stroke. and cry.. like, a lot. butthisisn'taboutthat.
i think, because of that, the song that gets me the most by mcr is the ghost of you.
my dad's a compulsive liar, like me. i think i got it from him, among other reasons.
he keeps so much from me. i didn't know who my real mother was until i was like nine. (i think that helped the shit when i was 10-11. she didn't want me. at all.)
(&until then, she died in a car crash. and talked a lot. that's it. and it was the complete opposite from my real mother)
he's only hit me.. three? times ever. but i've got so many scars from him. because of him. mentally. a couple physically.
he's always going to haunt me. it's always going to bother me. his entire life, he chose alcohol over everything. his life, his wife, his mother, his brother, his pets, his house, his mind. his record. his reputation. his schooling. his work/career. his only daughter. his daughter's home life. my safety. i don't feel safe around him. i don't feel safe in my home.
people put me down because of my father. i get shit like 'OH WOW, FELICA. your fucking dad is a disgusting alcholic and can't change and is a shitty person and stupid' and 'LOLOL FELICA I SAW YOUR DAD STUMBLING UPTOWN, HOW SHITTY MUST THAT BE?'
and like i've said.. after i leave, i'm never coming home.
when in nyc, i may have friends. but i'll definitely have my corgi (whose name will be hermes, female or male) and my music; especially mcr.
(also just sayin', i've have the ghost of you playing for most of the time i was writing this.)
